Author’s note: I am not insane. I am well aware that, even here in northern Minnesota, spring has sprung. I wrote the following piece several months back, in the dead of winter. I’m posting it today, with the school year drawing to a merciful close, as a reminder — that the kids are much more than all right.

You get a little punchy, a little obnoxious, after you’ve tied more than 100 pairs of ice skates, over the course of four days, for dozens of — well, the teacher code word for it is “active” — elementary school students, every last one of them chiming “I need help!”

“How about a little more ‘please’ and ‘thank you,'” Mrs. Gym Teacher shouted above the chaos at one point.

“I need help! I need help!” the crowd sang on.

That was the state of affairs last Friday when I launched into my routine, my hilarious routine, right there in the warming house as I neared the end of my annual volunteer stint helping with ice skating week at my kids’ school.

I was tying my umpteenth skate, looking to generate a little drama and fun, largely to drown out the din of the Generalized Obliviousness Disorder (GOD) all around me. So I said to the young victim — man — before me: “You know, it’s Friday, and Mrs. Gym Teacher said I could start charging you guys $5 per skate today, as long as I split the profits with her.”

“You can’t do that,” the boy replied.

“Sure I can,” I continued. “It’s $5 a skate today. Sorry, bud.”

<deer in the headlights>

Oh, God, he’s gonna cry. I’ve gone too far.

“I’m just kidding bud,” I said. “I’m not going to charge you $5 a skate. That would be ridiculous.”

<brief look of relief>

“Not when I can get $10.”

<rim shot>

One of the many beauties of helping out all day long with different classes of kids who are different ages is that you can re-use your jokes, either verbatim or slightly modified, depending on your mood and energy (or lack thereof). So a couple of hours later, I figured I’d trot my side-splitting comedy out for another performance.

“You know, it’s Friday,” I said to the first-grade girl sitting before me, “and Mrs. Gym Teacher said I could start charging you guys $10 per skate (inflation) today, as long as I split the profits with her.”

“You can’t do that,” the girl replied.

“Sure I can,” I continued. “It’s $10 a skate today, my dear. Sorry.”

“You can’t do that!” she insisted.

Hmm. Tough crowd out here.

This heckler wasn’t backing down. She meant business. And she was going to win this one if I didn’t act fast.

“You’re right,” I said. “I’m just kidding. I’m not going to charge you $10 a skate. That would be ridiculous.”

There. I had her teed up perfectly, right where I wanted her. Now to go in for the kill: Time for the big punchline.

“Not…”

“You can charge our parents!” the girl blurted out at the exact same instant.

Zinger, meet being zinged.

And then this kid — this unexpected breath of fresh air in an overcrowded warming house where the air was anything but fresh — not only made my entire week, she changed my outlook on children. Perhaps resuscitated my memory is a better way to put it.

“You could use the money,” she added with sureness of purpose, “to get skates for the kids who don’t have any.”

Yup, kids are needy. Sometimes they get punchy and obnoxious — too. Self-centered. Me, me, me. But it turns out that somewhere in those little brains of theirs, they are aware of others, they do recognize other people’s needs, and they want to help if and when and where and how they can.

It’s oh so easy to skate around it.

Don’t.